Athenian Corner

Jeffrey Zia
March 01, 2001

The Lowell Chamber of Commerce presents: Athenian Corner!

Supposedly, this place features live belly dances. Due to the unusual premise of this dining experience, I have enlisted a local expert, Dr. Farrell of the Bring'em Young Women's Hospital to help me in this endeavor. (He also wrote the article "Thespians and Computer Geeks")

Atmosphere: When they say corner, they mean corner. This restaurant occupies one edge of a building, right at the corner of the street. From the outside, it looks like crap. They use the standard Greek white and blue color scheme, which unfortunately does not stay clean in New England weather. The night we go there, they have a live band playing all kinds of Middle Eastern tunes. Their music is like a blend of Zucchabar(Gladiator OST) and snake charmer melody goodness, with a little Mazmanian Rugs (Oriental rug seller in Billerica) thrown in. All fans of Loreena Mckennit's music will get a vague idea as to what the tunes were like. I personally enjoy the Middle Eastern Mystique(TM) music mix, it conjures up images of busted Iraqi tanks smoldering in twilight... I mean ancient mosques in twilight.

The food is new and interesting, but grounded enough in familiar ingredients (rice, tomatoes) to provide a solid feel. Did I mention there is a belly dancer? If they would get some wall tapestries or if the bar section could be made a bit less generic, it would be a perfect 10. 9 /10(so close!)

Fiasco Factor: After the Corner earned some positive points for music and food, it continues to score big in an amusing way. The placemats on the table boast that the Corner features the most comprehensive selection of Armenian, Greek and Arabic food and music, plus a live belly dance (is there a dead kind?) every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. The only place that I know of with a similarly ambitious claim has to be Hussey's General Store, which is supposedly Maine's Largest Country store, and sells "Guns, Wedding Gowns, and Cold Beer" (talk about one-stop shopping).

Anyhow, back to The Corner. Around 9:00 or so, the belly dancer shows up, and my oh my is she u-g-l-y; I mean straight out of Jabba's palace type of ugly! I certainly hope she has a day job, because she is not gonna earn a living doing belly dances. While she is not obese, she certainly is overweight. Obviously, when they say belly dancing at Athenian Corner, their emphasis is on belly. When the music slows down, she waves a thin veil around, and I'm very glad that I sat way in the back. Genie in a bottle? Only if it was a half-drunk "40". Some patrons seem to be enjoying the show: there is an old man at the bar who kept on nodding at the dancing and clapping extra hard, his perception sufficiently alcohol-influenced to be genuinely excited by the show. 9/10 (cha-ching! this is one of the most fun dinners of all time).

Overall: The food is good, excellent lamb at a very fair price. I am surprised that while it is lamb, it is not gamy at all, no mint jelly needed or anything. Light but tastefully seasoned is the description I would choose. The menu certainly looks like there is a lot of variety, and I will have to make return visit sometime. 9/10

Unfortunately, the belly dancer was ugly; if she were hot, than we would have a perfect score (I never claimed to be P.C.). Even if it weren't for the more base interests, they should at least have someone that is easier on the eyes (forget about the ugly stick, she must have been hit with an ugly trebuchet or something.) But then again, if the belly dancer were hot, I most likely would give this place a ten no matter how bad the food is or how decrepit the surroundings are.

As promised, this is a joint review by Dr. Farrell and I, and he was certainly an enthusiastic participant. He even went a step further and stuffed a dollar bill in the belly dancer's waistband. So here is Dr. Farrell's review: (drum roll)

"Flabby"

And there you have it, a Zia and Mike joint review on this special edition of the Lowbrow Gourmet to bring you twice the crassness, twice the fun, and, most fortunately, twice the score compare to some past reviews. Slightly over the L.G. limit of $10, but a definite bargain with food, atmosphere, and entertainment all together in one flabby package.

Zia, still lowbrow, questionably gourmet.

Next episode: Truckers International!