The President Who Cried WMD

Andrew Raff
July 17, 2003

There once was a President of the United States who was bored as he sat in the White House watching his advisors give a security briefing about nation-building in Afghanistan. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolfowitz! Wolfowitz says that Saddam is developing weapons of mass destruction!"

The Congresspeople came running up Capitol hill to help the President drive the WMD away. But when they arrived in Iraq, they found no WMD. The President laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

"Don't cry 'WMD', Mr. President," said the Congresspeople, "when there's no WMD!" They went grumbling back down Capitol Hill.

Later, the President sang out again, "WMD! WMD! Iraq could attack us at anytime with Weapons of Mass Destruction!" To his naughty delight, he watched the UN Security Council run to the Middle East to help him go along with Wolfowitz's strategy.

When the Security Council saw no WMD they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'WMD' when there are NO WMD!"

But the President just smirked and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL terrorist prowling about with weapons of mass destruction. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "WMD! WMD!"

But both the US Congress and the UN Security Council thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't authorize any action.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the President hadn't returned to the village with economic recovery. They went to a secure, undisclosed location to find the president. They found him weeping.

"There really was a WMD here! The terrorist group has scattered! I cried out, "WMD!" Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the President as they walked back to the village.

"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the President, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"